The Dance of Inter-Dependence.

The dance of inter-dependancy between a guide dog and handler is a really interesting one. It starts off as just a dog and a person. In the first few weeks we learn to trust each other in different ways. The dog learns to trust that it’s needs will be met like food, water and so on and the handler learns that the expectation of being led will be met. Just like in any relationship there are ups and downs of trial and error to learn where each is in the relationship. there are things that frustrate each other and learning curves that each has to endure.

With each of my dogs the learning curves were different just like with each person in a human to human relationship can be. With Shasta it was about the rhythm of our work. She liked to be on the ball and to be the one to lead the way and to do things her way but yet let me get from point A to B. She was the leader and I the follower. She aimed to please. As long as she was amply praised she would do anything asked of her regardless of the cost to her “happiness”.

Shasta had the confidence i lacked in the outside world. I was painfully shy and she was out going and boisterous. I guess you would say that opposites attracted a lot with us both. It’s that opposites that helped us move through the word with such grace and ease. I was able to take on tasks like go to schools and give talks about guide dogs, because of her confidence. She brought people to me and I could grow my relationships from there.

With Zora it was about team work. She relied on me for the direction and I relied on her for the safe travel. Our personalities were identical. She was very soft and gentle and had a sensitive disposition. She could calm the most nervous of people. With her I was the confident one. she needed lifting up and I needed her calm disposition to cope with the grind of hte world.

Kendal was a go getter and loved challenging work situations. She hated routine and loved when things would be mixed up a bit. She helped me rise up out of my comfort zones to broaden my horizons. She gave me the confidence ot try new things and not stay “stuck”. I brought balance to her when she needed the reigning in.

Felice, my sweet Felice was the driving force behind my deisre to bounce back from medical setbacks. She is the one I relied on the most for that zest for life and soul in living. There was humor and laughter at every turn for us. I gave her the vehicle for her to shine her true self. She taught me to live it up a little and relax and just taek each day to the fullest.

Niecy, I”d have to say has been the most like me in temperament. We are like two peas in a pod. We are both sensitive and reactive to our surroundings internally. I rely on her for her read on the world around us and her almost faultless work form. She relies on me for the emotional support and reassurance.

With eadh dog I grew to rely on and depend on them for one thing or another and they on me for one thing or another. Sometimes that balance would be tipped in favor of one or the ther but it all works out in the end. Inter dependence between a service dog and handler can run very deep and the bond difficult to break. We are together 24/7 and we learn our roles with deep commitment to the other.

Class in a Nutshell

Walking with Shasta was starting to feel like a well-choreographed dance that was orchestrated in perfect sync. That’s what it’s supposed to feel like. We began to develop a rhythm that was all our own that had perfect flow. We moved with such ease and speed it was dizzying.

The little things about going out were getting easier. I could walk through a store without worrying about objects or obstacles in my way, I could walk through a restaurant without worrying about every chair in the way and I could attend church.

The part of class where we tackled the Toronto streets and subway was challenging. A lot happening and people everywhere, but Shasta took it head on. She wasn’t stopping for anything. She weaved me in and out of the crowds with such ease and grace. All I had to do was just stay close to her and follow the handle.

The subway was intimidating, to say the least. The dogs are taught to stay close to the back wall of the platform while the trains whiz by us. There was so much commotion I ended up closing my eyes for a good part of it. It was just too much stimulation. Shasta handled it with such confidence.

Getting in and out of the train was a breeze. I know I wouldn’t be able to do this on my own, but with Shasta it’s like a dance. She would just look up at me just before we were going to head out and then lay into the harness and pull me through; I just followed her, stayed close, and hung onto the handle with a firm but calm grip.

We tackled everything from noisy pubs, restaurants, cabs, the subway system and the bus system. I was grateful I didn’t live in a big city. It would have been too much for me to sort everything out. Shasta made it easier to handle and made it possible for me to enjoy the outings we had as a group.

A Little Bit of Writers Block

I”d like to thank everyone for taking the time to read this blog.  Unfortunately I have run into a tittle bit of writers block.  Please feel free to leave me some ideas on what I can write about.  Post your questions you would like to see answered or even a comment you think I can expand on from the blog.  Hope to hear from you!

The Big Decision

One problem with being between dogs is there’s just to much time to think. I’ve been thinking back to when I got my first dog. All the excitement that surrounded the anticipation of actually having a dog that will help and guide. Not just a dog but a large dog at that. That was a novelty to me because I had only ever had small dogs in my past with one outside large dog when I was a kid. My other worry was whether I was going to be able to keep it in the apartment. I was so new to the idea that I had no idea how the living arrangement would work.

How did I decide to get a guide dog in the first place? Well it wasn’t my idea initially. The topic came up during coffee with a friend. She felt I would benefit from a dog because of the struggles I had getting from point A to B. I had been complaining about bumping into a lot of the white poles we had in our down town area and about missing curbs or even the sidewalk for that matter. I had also mentioned the trouble I was having dealing with people in stores and how much work it was just to go get something and dealing with crowds.

When my friend first blurted out “maybe you should consider getting a guide dog”. I looked at her sideways and said, “nahh.. I’d never qualify, I have to much vision, they only train dogs for people who can’t see at all or who don’t have useful vision.” After a bit more discussion she let it go but brought it up again a couple months later. Again I gave her all the same excuses. She didn’t let it go this time, she simply said “You never know until you try”. Well what could I say. She was right.

I started to think about her side of the issue and started to wonder about some of the things she said. If it makes things easier why not go for it and what will you loose if they say no. I realized that if she was bringing this up she was seeing something I wasn’t. So I decided to at least apply. If I qualify I qualified, if not, nothing changes. I just do what I’ve been doing.

After all the paper work, seeing doctors, and the interview with a trainer I was shocked to find out I was accepted. At first I was mystified as to why lol. I had always thought I was doing a really good job of getting around and being independent. Then my friend suggests a guide dog and then I actually get accepted. What had I been doing wrong?!

I had been raised in a very old fashioned mindset. Was taught not to show my disability, Do it all by myself, don’t ask for help, never use a cane and so on. Well getting a dog was definitely going to highlight that I had a disability. Now that I had been accepted to a school I had to figure out what to do next. There was no turning back. I had to decide if I was going to embrace this new found knowledge or was I gonna back away and miss my chance to try something different and new? I wrestled with it for a while and decided that in fact I had nothing to loose and just go with it.

Once I decided that, I began to feel the excitement and began daydreaming what this new dog could mean to me. Curiosity began to grow and it was something I started telling folks. They all seemed to be excited about the idea. I began doing research and educating myself about what I could do with a dog and what the law allowed. I started to feel more and more prepared and confident in the decision to go ahead.

Thinking back on this, if I had known then what I know now I would have embraced a guide dog much sooner. It truly was a life changing decision for me. One that brought freedom, independence, safety and has opened up a number of doors of opportunity through the years.

Being Between Dogs

Being between dogs is an adjustment to say the least. Working dogs retire for various reasons. All of mine retired at different times and different stages of their lives.

Shasta retired early due to her health and situation. She was adopted by a family that lived about 40 min away and lived a good retirement.

Zora didn’t retire but because of her allergies to the type of climate I live in it was just to hard for her to adapt and to work on all the medications she needed to be on. After 11 months with me she went back to the school and was retrained and matched with someone else. When I was told she was going to be rematched I was ecstatic. She was such a talented and sweet dog and I knew she would make a good guide for someone.

Kendal was the longest to stay with me. She left when she was 9 yrs old and was ready to retire. She went back and was placed in a career change home where she would live out her retirement.

Then we have Felice. She was retired very early due to cancer. Her being sent back was the hardest thing I have had to do with any of my guide dogs. The plan was that she would be placed in a retirement home and let her retire in comfort and peace. Little did any of us know how quickly that plan would change. Six days after she went back she was given a routine vet exam and it was discovered her cancer had come back with full force and aggressively. It had only been 7 weeks since her original diagnosis that she lost the valiant battle for her life.

When a guide dog leaves I usually feel kind of down but I still do what I can to prepare for the next dog and I try to stay in shape. This time being between dogs has been even more challenging. I have discovered that letting a dog go and know they will continue with their lives makes it easier to let them go. When a dog has been a constant source of strength, guide and presence like Felice was and they are taken by way of death it’s a hard emotional toll. In Felice’s case she did so much to help me that went way beyond being my guide dog. The bond was strong and very tight for us both. That doesn’t mean I am not grateful that I was told of what happened. Knowing is far better then not knowing. In knowing I can properly come to terms with such a sudden and early retirement. I know for certain where she is and I am not left wondering how she is, or wondering if she was in pain. I know she won’t ever feel pain or suffering. That means the world to me.

During the past few weeks I have been reflecting on what I had taken for granted. The amount of work that Felice did to keep me in a straight line on a side walk, the avoiding obstacles on my right shoulder, them dang curbs that are a constant source of irritant when you can’t see them and her ability to catch other things that over hang or large cracks on paths.

Now, I am not completely blind and I can see objects. My problem is I am not very good at judging how close i am to them. I may see it and still slam into it without a dog. I don’t always notice how close I am to the edge of a sidewalk and my foot catches the side of it and I end up falling. Going for walks these days as become a major undertaking. I find I am not enjoy8ng my walks as much because I don’t have time to enjoy what’s around me. I am to busy watching the sidewalk with my head down.

I do use a cane but man it’s a pain. I am greatful that I do have something at least that I can use but until you go walking and it gets caught in a crack and it jabs you in the stomach do you appreciate not having to use one heh. Canes are absolutely useless in snow lol.

I have tried countless times to deliberately “loose” 2 of my 3 canes and it just never works. I’ve tried leaving them in cabs, in theaters, restaurants and many other places. They always managed to find their way back to me. I even left one in a City that was 2 hours away and it STILL found it’s way back. I mean really, left it under the seat at a movie theater. Didn’t think anyone would notice. Well wouldn’t you know it.. Theater manager called group leader and got my name and I got a call. Needless to say it was on the bus for me to pick up the next day heh.

Working with a dog is MUCH easier. Movement is fluent and flowing. I can enjoy my surroundings because I can keep my head up. Makes it easier to determine where I am, what direction I am to be going and pick out land marks. Makes it easier to smile at folks too when they pass by :).

Right now I am tolerating the annoyances of not having a dog. Been walking routs I am familiar with and trying to stick to the walking path so I can avoid curbs for the majority of my walk. Obstcals are fewer on the walking path as well. Right now the path is easy to walk. When teh weather gets warmer there’s gonna be bikes, skateboarders, strollers, other dogs and roller bladers out. That path is gonna get stressful pretty quick. With a guide dog those things are easier to deal with. For now I just have to be very careful and try to hang to the right without falling off the path heh.