Being Between Dogs

Being between dogs is an adjustment to say the least. Working dogs retire for various reasons. All of mine retired at different times and different stages of their lives.

Shasta retired early due to her health and situation. She was adopted by a family that lived about 40 min away and lived a good retirement.

Zora didn’t retire but because of her allergies to the type of climate I live in it was just to hard for her to adapt and to work on all the medications she needed to be on. After 11 months with me she went back to the school and was retrained and matched with someone else. When I was told she was going to be rematched I was ecstatic. She was such a talented and sweet dog and I knew she would make a good guide for someone.

Kendal was the longest to stay with me. She left when she was 9 yrs old and was ready to retire. She went back and was placed in a career change home where she would live out her retirement.

Then we have Felice. She was retired very early due to cancer. Her being sent back was the hardest thing I have had to do with any of my guide dogs. The plan was that she would be placed in a retirement home and let her retire in comfort and peace. Little did any of us know how quickly that plan would change. Six days after she went back she was given a routine vet exam and it was discovered her cancer had come back with full force and aggressively. It had only been 7 weeks since her original diagnosis that she lost the valiant battle for her life.

When a guide dog leaves I usually feel kind of down but I still do what I can to prepare for the next dog and I try to stay in shape. This time being between dogs has been even more challenging. I have discovered that letting a dog go and know they will continue with their lives makes it easier to let them go. When a dog has been a constant source of strength, guide and presence like Felice was and they are taken by way of death it’s a hard emotional toll. In Felice’s case she did so much to help me that went way beyond being my guide dog. The bond was strong and very tight for us both. That doesn’t mean I am not grateful that I was told of what happened. Knowing is far better then not knowing. In knowing I can properly come to terms with such a sudden and early retirement. I know for certain where she is and I am not left wondering how she is, or wondering if she was in pain. I know she won’t ever feel pain or suffering. That means the world to me.

During the past few weeks I have been reflecting on what I had taken for granted. The amount of work that Felice did to keep me in a straight line on a side walk, the avoiding obstacles on my right shoulder, them dang curbs that are a constant source of irritant when you can’t see them and her ability to catch other things that over hang or large cracks on paths.

Now, I am not completely blind and I can see objects. My problem is I am not very good at judging how close i am to them. I may see it and still slam into it without a dog. I don’t always notice how close I am to the edge of a sidewalk and my foot catches the side of it and I end up falling. Going for walks these days as become a major undertaking. I find I am not enjoy8ng my walks as much because I don’t have time to enjoy what’s around me. I am to busy watching the sidewalk with my head down.

I do use a cane but man it’s a pain. I am greatful that I do have something at least that I can use but until you go walking and it gets caught in a crack and it jabs you in the stomach do you appreciate not having to use one heh. Canes are absolutely useless in snow lol.

I have tried countless times to deliberately “loose” 2 of my 3 canes and it just never works. I’ve tried leaving them in cabs, in theaters, restaurants and many other places. They always managed to find their way back to me. I even left one in a City that was 2 hours away and it STILL found it’s way back. I mean really, left it under the seat at a movie theater. Didn’t think anyone would notice. Well wouldn’t you know it.. Theater manager called group leader and got my name and I got a call. Needless to say it was on the bus for me to pick up the next day heh.

Working with a dog is MUCH easier. Movement is fluent and flowing. I can enjoy my surroundings because I can keep my head up. Makes it easier to determine where I am, what direction I am to be going and pick out land marks. Makes it easier to smile at folks too when they pass by :).

Right now I am tolerating the annoyances of not having a dog. Been walking routs I am familiar with and trying to stick to the walking path so I can avoid curbs for the majority of my walk. Obstcals are fewer on the walking path as well. Right now the path is easy to walk. When teh weather gets warmer there’s gonna be bikes, skateboarders, strollers, other dogs and roller bladers out. That path is gonna get stressful pretty quick. With a guide dog those things are easier to deal with. For now I just have to be very careful and try to hang to the right without falling off the path heh.